Day One.

So I came home from church not too long ago. I wasn't exactly paying attention to the pastor because I was thinking too much, I do this and it gets in the way of everything. It's very hard for me to concentrate lately. But anyway. My family was always raised in a Christian way; the belief that God started life and we should all praise him for giving us life &having his son die on the cross for our sins. That idea. But I spoke with my uncle this past weekend and he put some thoughts into my head, idk whether good or bad. But I'm not really into the whole religious thing&I feel wrong for it because that's how the rest of my family is. My mom said to me that I didn't seem like I was paying attention and I really couldn't relate to most of the things the pastor was saying. I felt like I shouldn't be there. I always get "Awh, it's so wonderful that you're going to church with your mother" and blah blah blah. But I go because I HAVE to, not because I WANT to. I don't understand how you can believe something with your spirit and all that stuff. It doesn't make sense. So basically I feel like a disgrace to my family because I'm not all into the Holy stuff like they are. If I died today, I wouldn't know whether I'd go to heaven or hell. I believe there is a God but I'm not super interested in learning about everything they teach in church. I'm 15. My plan right now is to finish high school, have fun &wait for the summer. I could really care less about all the religious stuff right now.